If you’re in an unusually jovial mood one cold, Friday afternoon after school and you let your 5-year-old daughter select not one, but three, DVDs at your friendly neighborhood Hollywood Video for a five-night rental because the forecast looks glum for the duration, stop yourself and for the love of all that is good and holy do not come home with this:

Otherwise, be prepared to have an unexplainable urge to gouge your eyeballs out until this horrific example of animated nightmarishness has been returned to the movie rental place where some other poor unsuspecting parent sucker agrees to pluck it down from the shelf for their child. For all of you high-brow intellectual parents out there who would never rent a My Little Pony DVD, just imagine getting really drunk and then trapped inside one of those scam crane arcade machines that taunt you with the challenge of winning a cheap stuffed animal while listening to circus music full blast. You know if you were only six inches tall. Or something like that.

Ironically the My Little Pony line of toys are among Miss C’s favorites and I don’t mind the general brigade of pastel ponies at all because coming up with all sorts of Ponyland melodramas occupies her for quite some time. Just don’t play the My Little Pony theme song more than once or I might have to hurt you.

The only other animated series that I can think holds a stinky candle to this is the Hello Kitty series. Seriously, one round with either the My Little Pony or Hello Kitty animated idiocy and you’ll be kissing Dora’s feet. Vive la Dora!

My nominees for surprisingly good animated kid movies of the girly persuasion, besides Disney, (obviously Disney is doing OK without any endorsements from me and we own several classic Disney movies), goes to the Barbie movies. Pixar caliber they are most definitely not, but I’ll take Barbie dancing to Swan Lake over annoying pastel flying ponies and horrific plot lines any day. I’m a sucker for classical music and the classic boy meets girl, girl meets boy, girl must overcome scary scumbag witchy woman and flex her girl power muscles story line any day.

Anyone else care to nominate the worst kid DVDs?

Updated to add: They just called AGAIN. GD Earl does not live here people! Earl, you must owe some people in Twin, Cities, Minnesota money.They said they’d take you “off their list,” though. Whatever. Effin’ Earl. Sorry. Had to vent a bit. Plus the hubby has changed our home phone ring to “Old McDonald” and it’s about to drive me insane.

The phone rings and I glance at the caller ID. Seeing that it is the same unknown person in Minnesota who keeps calling the house every day and not leaving a message on our answering machine, I do the mature thing and ignore it. The hubby answers it and it’s a wrong number. Someone calling for Hank or Earl or some such. I comment to the hubby that they will hopefully quit calling our house.

Me: “I knew it wasn’t T, because he would leave a message and he’s the only person we know who lives in Minnesota.”

Hubby: “T lives in Wisconsin.”

Me: “Ohhhhh. You’re right.”

Since kindergarten started back up earlier this month (cue the gospel choir praise Jesus music), things have run fairly smoothly in the mornings. Lunches and snacks and coffee have been prepared at night. Clothes have been laid out. Alarm clocks have been set. No one has left the house wearing mismatched shoes or without a backpack and the dogs have been quite happy to be able to throw their morning martini parties while we’re away (Bailey is partial to Cosmos and Jack is a classic vodka martini kind of guy.)

The other day I was feeling pretty cocky about my mad household management skills. By 7:45 a.m. Miss C was on her way to school with our neighbor and her daughter, dinner was in the crockpot, dishes were put away, and Miss A was dressed from head to toe in princess pink. Feeling uber sure of myself, I gave in to Miss A’s request to play a game on the computer. Don’t ask. Let’s just say that for a 2 1/2-year-old she has some freakishly adept video game skills. I set her up on my laptop and proceeded to finish getting ready to go into the office for a few hours.

Then I told Miss A it was time to go to school.

Our normally cherubic and agreeable little girl turned into the spawn of Satan before my very eyes.

She wailed, she kicked, she threw a fit. She finally calmed down after I peeled her off of my laptop, literally kicking and screaming, and she perked up when the hubby offered to take her to school. I believe Fruit Rollups were used as a bargaining tool, because, of course, it is totally acceptable to sugar up your child and drop them off with their child care provider.

I huffed and puffed and basically told the hubby that I was an idiot for not turning on the television but then agreeing to let a 2-year-old play a Dora video game and expecting her to joyfully give that up. I mean who could blame her? I go back and forth between loving and hating television or any kind of electronic diversion for the girls early in the morning. I mean Dora makes an OK nanny, but when it’s time for her to go, there’s sometimes hell to pay.

It was the mental equivalent of me crossing my arms, pouting, stomping my feet, and yelling to the hubby, “I don’t wanna be the mommy this morning!”

I love being a parent, but I sometimes don’t love parenting.

Miscellaney Mom, who has the most beautiful family portrait on her blog sidebar, tagged me for a neat wish list meme.

I am a slacker and I have been tagged for a couple of memes, but I’ve been busy with a big work deadline and a freelance project!

Here are the instructions: Post two wish lists: 5 material wishes and 5 spiritual or more meaningful wishes. Invite five other bloggers to play along.

Material Wishes:

I’d love to move to a slightly bigger house. Our house was built in 1968 and has one and a half baths. While that didn’t seem like a big deal eight years ago when we bought it, we are now a three-woman household and someone will eventually go ballistic when all three of us are vying for the bathroom. Then again I’m one of those goofy people who starts to emotionally travel down a path prematurely and I get all weepy thinking about leaving the house where we had our babies. OK, so maybe we’ll just add on?

I’d love a new, previously loved, car for myself and the hubby as we are both now in the 100,000 plus mile club. I’ve narrowed it down to the Chrysler Pacifica. I’ll count this as two wishes.

I’d love hardwood floors in our kitchen and den. With two small children and two dogs, one of whom is currently shedding like a mofo, and yes mofos do shed, the berber carpet in our den has seen better days.

I’d love a Dyson vacuum cleaner (this one is purple and for homes with animals…hurrah.) A pink one to be specific. A girl can dream dammit. Do they make a pink one? Or am I dreaming?

Spiritual Wishes:

So now you know I want a bigger house, or at least one more bathroom, I’ll focus on some more spiritual things.

I really long to be a more patient mama. I typically have one last nerve standing, and one of the girls ends up stepping on it. Girls, those cheap pointy plastic dress heels hurt!

I would love for us to find a church home. We’re sporadic, at best, at attending church.

I’m trying my best to live each day with gratitude for the blessings I already have, and there are many, instead of thinking things like “I’d be happier if this would happen or if we could just do this.”

I want to be a better listener. I’m a talker by nature.

I want to relish all the little ordinary moments with my family. There are so many sweet things my girls do every day that are truly amazing and worthy of cherishing forever. I’m finding that it’s not the big events, but the little things, that make motherhood an incredible journey.

I’m tagging Jill at Who Could Ask for Anything More?, Anne at Bun in the Oven, Debunot, Lisa at Life With Our Little Ladies, and Pattie.

OK, here goes round two, meme two!

Don Mils Diva, a fabulous working mom blogger from Canada I discovered through Rachel at A Southern Fairy Tale, tagged me for a blog meme.

When did you start blogging?

October 2005

What inspired you to start a blog and who are your mentors?

October 2005 was the fall Miss A turned 6 months old. I was working from home with her while Miss C went to daycare and as someone who was used to being in an office from 8 to 5, Monday through Friday, I felt pretty isolated. I’ve always loved to write, and although I work in publishing, I’m primarily an editor. We had a family website that was fairly lame but I kept having this grand vision of what it could be. My husband reads a lot of news and political blogs and one day sent me the link to Dooce. I was amazed by her talent and I still read her to this day. Then I googled “mom blogs” and “working mom blogs” and found Nashville bloggers Busy Mom and Suburban Turmoil (although I didn’t realize that Lindsay was in Nashville at that time) and started clicking around their blogrolls and I found bloggers Debunot and Nancy and Anne and Mrs. Flinger and tons of great blogs. I’d have to say, though, that the blogger who really influenced the way I started blogging was Les (Mrs. Flinger.)

Are you trying to make money online, or are you just doing it for fun?

Definitely for fun. I mean, I just wrote about my dog’s spanking fetish. I’m very fortunate, however, to be part of the Real Girls Media beta ad network. I can’t quit my day job, but it is nice to be paid for writing about poop.

What three things do you love about being online?

The story telling aspect, whether it be through words, like the fabulous Mama Tulip, or words and photographs, like Pioneer Woman.

Being able to relate to so many parents and what makes them laugh, cry, and crave top shelf margaritas. (Hello, Margarita Buddy!)

The friendships.

What three things do you struggle with online?

Just how much to write about my girls as they get older.

Marketing my blog to increase readership, without being a total sellout. I’ve been doing more product reviews, but I hope by that by running them as a series that I won’t turn people away who dislike reviews and giveaways. I don’t want a separate review blog at this time.

I sometimes struggle with the TMI factor, and I don’t mean sex or anything vulgar. I mean there are some topics I won’t write about. I won’t write anything specific about my job. And I would never want to write anything that would embarrass my family, although I know my mother wishes I would quit writing about human feces.

I’m tagging Mama Tulip, Amy, and Sarcastic Mom.

Miss A is notorious lately for staying up later than big sister. I had to use my mean mommy voice the other night as the clock creeped closer and closer to 9 after her bedtime story and she showed no signs of getting sleepy. After telling her to lay down and handing her a book, she protested loudly and I shut the door. Enough of you sassy girl!

I went in the kitchen to prepare for the next day, making coffee, making Miss C’s lunch, writing a check for milk money, etc. Miss A quit kicking the wall with her footie PJ clad feet as she routinely does as she is winding down ticked off at mama and it seemed eerily quiet. Something was rotten in Denmark, I just knew it.

I went in to find her stripped out of her footed fleece PJs and wearing nothing but a generic Pull Up, her favorite flannel gown in her hand and surrounded by the contents of a small plastic storage box I keep in her closet (apparently not high up enough) as if she had flung everything willy nilly while looking for something very important, like chocolate or tequila.

She had broken into the Vicks Vaporub and had been slathering it all over her chest. And arms. And legs.

I have to say she was pretty darn proud of herself.

Update with a winner: Tuesday Girl at A Girl and Her Life is the winner of the free pack of Mabel’s Labels!

Today’s Snowy Days Giveaways featured company is Mabel’s Labels in Canada. These are cute personalized adhesive labels that are dishwasher and microwave proof. I was sent a pack of classic sticky labels in purple for Miss C and in pink for Miss A and so far I’ve used them on sports cups, lunch boxes, wallets, you name it. With a two girl household it’s sometimes tough to determine what random pink plastic object belongs to which daughter and trust me, these are the Hallmark moments that sometimes snowball into Cat Fight Central.

Mabel’s Labels are also great for all those million and one things you send to school or daycare. The lost and found moshpit is growing by leaps and bounds at Miss C’s school. I was there just today and trust me, a Hobbit could be living in the lost and found bin.

Mabel’s Labels’ product line also includes allergy alert labels, classroom labels for school teachers, bag tags, clothing labels (hey, summer camp season will be here before you know it), and a line of household labels that includes a neat freak pack. Oh, be still my beating anal-retentive heart.

I am especially partial to products that have been developed by moms and Mabel’s Labels was founded in 2002 by four moms with 11 children among them. Last fall the company received the SavvyMom Mompreneur™ of the Year Award, so you know this is an up and coming company.

Now for the fun part. I have a gift certificate up for grabs for a free pack of Mabel’s Labels in regular, princess, or ocean colors (your choice of a pack of sticky labels, skinny minis, or shoe labels.)

How to win: Go visit Mabel’s Labels. Come back here and leave a comment saying which of their wonderful products you like best. Deadline is midnight Friday, February 1. I’ll have a random drawing and update this post with the winner’s name as well as e-mail them. If you’d like two entries in the giveaway, either blog about this giveaway or post the Snowy Days Giveaways graphic on your website or blog (e-mail me for the code). Thanks and good luck!

We are on the brink of entering a phase of parenting known as Diaper Free Nirvana.

All I can say is Thank You Dear God For The Honor of Having My Child Finally Take Not One, But Two, Glorious, Substantial, Worthy of Several Flushes, Poops in the Potty In One Night!

It’s a national holiday!

But seriously, a few weeks ago I decided that the only thing holding Miss A back from showcasing her cute little tushy in a pair of size 2 Dora cotton briefs was me. That’s right ya’ll. I’m lazy. I mean potty training is a lot of damn work. Have you tried it? I thought trying to housebreak an extremely neurotic puppy ten years ago was bad.

Any way, all of Miss A’s friends at school “were doing it” and honestly this is one of those times when sheer, unbridled peer pressure rocks. Miss A’s teacher was on board and can I just add that daycare teachers who double as potty training Nazis and march your kid to the potty every hour like clockwork are a blessing indeed. I packed a little bag with a change of clothes and two spare pairs of panties and dropped off Miss A at daycare sporting big girl britches. I was a little concerned. Would she do OK? Would she protest? Would she have an accident and be embarassed?

She hasn’t had one single solitary accident…at school any way.

Apparently she saves up all of her mighty poo poo powers for mama. I must have some sort of tushtastic wiping technique that parallels no other. I’ve been trying to keep a close eye on her, knowing that the stealth poop is going to happen, but inevitably I’ll get distracted and find her hiding in a corner and concentrating on filling her underwear.

Now at naptime and bedtime she still wears a Pull Up, but we’re definitely making strides.

Last night after dinner, pretty much out of the blue so I can’t really tell you what the heck inspired her, she walked toward the bathroom and announced she was going to poop in the potty.

When the deed (actually deeds) were done, we all shouted, laughed, high-fived, danced, and mama broke out the Dum Dum suckers left over from Halloween. I think the dogs were even impressed.

Houston, we have a poo poo.