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I'm a 41-year-old mom to two girls ages 8 and 5 desperately seeking sanity. I'm an editor and social media coordinator in business publishing. My husband, a former beach bartender, founded MouseCalls Computer Services here in Nashville. We have two mutts, three crabs, two frogs, and too much laundry. Estrogen and wine flow freely here, so kick off your shoes and come on in!

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My Own Personal Tivo

The phone rings early Sunday.

Hubby and I are circling the coffeemaker like buzzards in a house that is unusually quiet except for the percolating.

The girls spent the night at my mom’s Saturday while we had a lovely steak dinner out with three other couples from our hometown that we’ve known a bazillion years. OK, more like twenty, which is still hard for me to believe. (Coincidentally today is the rerelease of U2’s Joshua Tree, which I listened to a bazillion times during that pivotal transition year from high school to college.)

I grab the phone and see it’s my dad. I assume he is on his way to church and calling to see if we want to meet at the Cracker Barrel, where we eat our weight in biscuits and hash brown casserole monthly.

Hi Daddy!

I realize my gravelly voice is suffering the effects of no caffeine and my mini martini tasting from the previous evening.

“Turn on channel 5! They’re interviewing a farmer about corn. It’s a crap vegetable! He won’t even feed it to his cows!”

Oh, the girls don’t even like corn.

“Doesn’t matter…anything made with corn. Corn, corn syrup, anything!”

Even tortilla chips? Even blue tortilla chips?

“Channel 5!”

“Corn!”

Click.

13 responses to “My Own Personal Tivo”

  1. Rachel

    LOL.
    Just how mini were those martinis?
    Phone calls about corn, huh? :-)
    Gotta love dad.

  2. Kolleen

    LOL. I am guessing you won’t be having corn for Thanksgiving?

  3. nap warden

    High Fructose Corn Syrup is the devil!

  4. Jade

    Hi there!

    Just stopping by to wish you and yours a wonderful Happy Thanksgiving, thank you for sharing your Blog with us!!

    Jade

  5. Anne

    TAG! yer it baby!

  6. Anne

    and I think I knew that already about corn. Although it is greatly responsible for the rise of the mesoamerican civilisations, we are past it’s nutritional benefits.

  7. Filtering Life

    Jamie…I swear I am alive…just severely barried in reading my blogs.
    Okay, that was hilarious! My dad does this all the time. But I love the shouting of one word…”CORN”. I am sure your life changed after watching that. I bet your dad forwards a bunch of crappy emails too…that would be my father. I feel bad, I never read them, just immediately delete them. Poor guy.

  8. kailani

    My kids love corn! What did the show say about it?

  9. Erin

    no matter what, I’m not giving up corn. Or Splenda. Or caffeine.

  10. Amy

    This is hilarious!! Corn! Click! and the circling the cofee like buzzards—you nailed that one!

  11. Richie Ann

    I think corn is a tricky one like a tomato. I think it’s classified as a starch like a potato.

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