My best friend and I went on a moms’ retreat weekend to Chattanooga.

What? Didn’t you know Chattanooga is the new Vegas?

She and I both turned 38 this summer and I had a wild hair idea to actually go somewhere for the weekend and not just meet for a hurried celebratory lunch which ends way too soon. The best friend and I have known each other since 4th grade, back in 1979 when the Grease soundtrack on vinyl was the High School Musical craze, thus an hour does not do our conversational marathon skills justice.

We decided to cruise to Chattavegas in her minivan as it’s a relatively short drive, and we were able to indulge in a lot of shopping and talking and eating and drinking and then some more shopping of the discount variety. You know, basically the staples of life. The weather was gorgeous and the sales were plentiful. We indulged in beer and pizza before noon on Saturday al fresco and topped that off with some Ben and Jerry’s. It felt decadent to be sipping on a bottled beer next to parents wielding baby bottles. There was no calorie counting allowed. We may venture further next year and who knows what we’ll do for our 40th. There was talk of a spa retreat or a trip to NYC or the Bahamas. Moms gone wild!

Some quotes from the weekend:

I’m just looking forward to not wiping anyone’s butts.
My best friend has three boys (ranging from 3 to 11) and I have two girls. No further ’splainin needed.

It’s OK. We’ve got wine and chocolate!
Upon radioing the hubby’s shop and realizing that there were two wrecks less than three miles apart on I-24 as we headed out of town and traffic came to a complete standstill for at least a half hour. My best friend, being the prepared genius that she is, had packed M&Ms and Halloween Reese’s Pieces and party mix, as well as enough varieties of Coke to keep us awake for 72 solid hours. And then of course, there was the Fat Bastard Shiraz in the back seat, waiting for us when we got to our hotel. If necessary, we would have been prepared to uncork that baby.

It’s buy one get one free martinis!
We had no idea it was happy hour Saturday night when we ordered our martinis and were greeted with four from the bar.

There were no celebrity sightings in Chattavegas, but our server Friday night at PF Changs sounded amazingly like Keanu Reeves. The best friend and I did have a riveting conversation Sunday morning about Kenny Chesney’s sexual preference (she works with someone who knows Kenny fairly well and the verdict is that he is most definitely not gay, just thought you’d want to know.)

Being someone in much need of a technological break and not wanting any temptation to sneak down to the hotel business center to blog or check e-mail like some sort of Internet addicted mommy blogger who checks her Sitemeter stats daily, I left both my laptop and digital camera at home. I know, I know…crazy! We slept in late and didn’t order anything from a kids’ menu all weekend. We browsed in Barnes & Noble Saturday night and sipped on wine and read our new books when we got back to the hotel. Hey, we’re small town girls. It doesn’t take much to thrill us.

Overall it was a fun and much needed mama’s retreat. There was nary a chicken finger or juice box in sight and the only objects subject to swiping were our debit cards, no poopy bottoms allowed. If there was any niggling ounce of doubt that I shouldn’t have taken off for two nights, it was snuffed out the moment the hubby called me Friday night from our neighborhood pizza joint and I could hear the girls in the background, squealing with joy as they played air hockey with my dad.