File Under “R” for Random

You know you live in Nashville when you see wild turkeys at the soccer practice field and see a country music video shoot on the way home from practice. This is where I fantasize about inventing a new career for myself as a video location scout. I grew up in the boonies and could lead them to a real farm, not a park two miles from Starbucks.

Coming down from a pain medication high on Sunday led me to do crazy things. I cleaned my desk and shredded tons of paperwork. I found a photo brag book that I thought I’d lost over a year ago. And here all this time I thought someone was carrying around pictures of my girls and claiming that they were theirs.

Speaking of paperwork, we are only in week four of kindergarten and oh my GOOD LORD the paperwork. I’ve never seen so much homework, take home work, not to mention newsletters, teacher letters, PTO letters, volunteer request forms, calendars, lunch schedules, etc. And now if I can only beat down my inner pack rat who feels guilty about throwing away any of my precious daughter’s schoolwork. Because, you know, she could be president some day and they might need her first phonics worksheets for the archives.

For about 30 seconds I confused my electric knife with my mixer while starting to make Bailey’s birthday cake. I couldn’t quite figure out why the beaters were not going into the base. And then I realized that in ten years of wedded bliss, I have never gotten my Martha Stewart on with the electric knife. Do people actually use electric knives?

I’m researching a Mother’s Day Out program as opposed to full-time daycare for Miss A since I am usually home by 1 Monday through Thursday now. Rumor has it mothers camp out in their minivans at 4 a.m. to get a slot. Things could get ugly. We all know moms can whip out their can of mama whoop ass over anything related to child care. This is a church-based program, though, so no one could get too competitive, could they? I did some name dropping when I e-mailed the director Monday. I have no shame.

Is anyone else tired of reading about how “bad” Britney Spears looked on the VMAs? I didn’t watch the VMAs, but from the photos I’ve seen her post-babies/nasty divorce/Cheetos with a Red Bull chaser physique doesn’t look that bad, does it? So she’s not Posh Spice or Paris Hilton thin, but who is? It took guts to put on her best underwear and fishnet hose to dance and lip sync on live TV, especially with Sarah Silverman in the wings waiting to crack a vagina joke. And, as scary as it is for me to admit, I’m on Kanye West’s side as far as MTV exploiting Britney. MTV has the class of a Jello midget wrestling match at a state fair midway.

13 comments

  1. nap warden says:

    Oh Britney…yes MTV used her. It didn’t matter whether she kicked a** or fell on it, they would get knock out coverage reguardless. As far as her outfit, I used to have rock star abs, two kiddos later, not so much (I am not on stage in my undies). She could have worn a corset outfit that cinched it up and made her look great…stylist, anyone??? It seems her career is one bad choice after another…

  2. DBN says:

    I love you. Seriously, you are totally my mommy hero. Will you be in my playgroup?

    And the church competition is the worst because every single mom there believes that God is on her side. Serious up, take your own can of whoop ass.

  3. Amy says:

    Hey – fellow Nashvillian! BTW, don’t count on all nicey-nicey moms in the church parking lot for those day care slots. Funny how people who don’t go to church think church day care is the best place for their children.
    Agree about MTV and Britney. They used her – they know she’s a train wreck. She looks OK to me too, but the performance was sloppy. And she’s got as much class as those jello wrestling midgets at the fair. Makes me feel pity and revulsion at the same time. She and Jessica Simpson always say, “well, we’re just country”, deeply offending country folk everywhere.

  4. Bluegrass Mama says:

    If I had an electric knife, I suspect that I, too, would only use it when I confused it with something else.

    As for the Brit, the picture I saw didn’t look good, but only someone seriously underweight would look good in that outfit. I was never a fan, but I have gotten to the point where I really feel sorry for her. And even sorrier for her boys.

  5. Blonde Mom says:

    She needs to stop wearing underwear in public.

    Wait, she’s done that. That won’t work, either! 😉

  6. Amy says:

    Have to admit I did really good on keeping Kindergarten paperwork on my first. Now here on my third, if it doesn’t make the fridge requirements it’s trash.

    And Britney needs somebody to give her a good spanking and tell her no. And I don’t mean the guy of the moment.

  7. Anne says:

    We received an electric knife when we got married and it broke after about 5 uses. For a few years after that I’d use the removable serrated blades to slice bread or cake layers. Yes. We had no money for real knives.

    You mean the paperwork load doesn’t reduce in kindergarten? I am overwhelmed with preschool paperwork and the first week isn’t even over yet. WTF?!

  8. Mrs. Schmitty says:

    I feel so badly for Britney. Of course she didn’t do well, she’s been under the microscope for so long. What did people expect? She’s a girl in trouble and people are just waiting for her to fall on her ass, she was probably nervous as hell.

    Instead of trying to prove everyone wrong, she needs to take a long, vacation and reconnect with her little guys. She needs to take care of herself.

  9. Jill says:

    My 20 month old brings home enough art to fill a gallery. And I own an art gallery so I guess that could be a marketing idea. Maybe I’ll get $2 million for his footprint made into a chicken. I had forgotten about electric knives. My mom used to make fun of them when we were younger. About Britney: I thought she looked pretty good, considering. MTV may have used her, but if she wasn’t being used, we wouldn’t be talking about her.

  10. Lisa says:

    I love your randomness….I follow it so easily. My mind works the exact same way!
    When we lived in NC people would camp out overnight to get their one-year-old child into the Mothers Morning Out program at our church. They would start sending them at one so they could make sure they had a spot when Susy or Bobby was three and four years old. I didn’t buy into that whole line of mumbo jumbo & people just couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t want my child to be in “the school of all schools”. Yes, you may need to unleash the crazy mama inside of you to get a spot for Miss A.
    Britney is a train wreck, yet I find myself rooting for her to get her sh*t together and be a good mom to those sweet little boys. I do think MTV exploited her, but no more than she regularly exploits herself. AND I would die to have my body look like hers after having two kids!

  11. Pattie says:

    Hey,
    Glad to see you recovered from your extraction! I was just complaining a few days ago because I had one cavity filled and you would’ve thought I’d had major surgery LOL

    I hear you on the Kindergarten paperwork. I swear I have as much paperwork as my kids do. Ridiculous really.

    Britney? Hmmm…she still looks better than I do in my underwear! Of course I don’t wear mine out in public, though 😉

  12. Emily says:

    Brit-Nay’s performance was just bad on its own. I thought it was tacky though for them to attack her weight – she is SO not fat. Maybe I say that because I am truly overweight and therefore can recognize it – I’d love to look more like her (body-wise) now!

    Good luck finding a good MDO!

  13. kailani says:

    I caught the rerun of Britney’s performance. For someone who’s had 2 kids, she looked great. I’m not sure she wore the right outfit, though. As for her performance, she looked like she’d rather be somewhere else. Not to mention that you could totally see the clips on her extensions.

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