Miss C came home from school yesterday with a message stamped on her forearm in black ink.

I noticed it immediately because I am very observant as soon as I’d turned the TV on for Miss C and fixed myself lunch and talked on the phone to my mom.

The stamp says, “Buy Lunch Tickets.”

What the hell…I mean heck…I mean huh?

I asked Miss C what the stamp meant, all the while visions of some net-haired cafeteria lady shamefully waving Miss C’s arm in the air and shouting “THE LITTLE BLONDE GIRL HAS NO MILK MONEY!” danced in my head.

Miss C looked at me as if that was the silliest question ever, because of course, duh, mommy you should know these things. Obviously she is not scarred for life because I forgot to send milk money two days in a row but I felt bad. Especially when she said, “Mommy you’re all the time forgetting to send my money for the cafeteria!” in exaggerated disgust and went back to eating her afternoon snack and watching TV. (See, obviously traumatized.)

I called her teacher to confirm that the kids were going to the cafeteria this week. I just assumed they wouldn’t because schools here are open only half-days this week due to the hellacious weather. My knowledgeable neighbor who has a first grader didn’t know either. I went to a country elementary school so small we ate lunch at our desks and listened to vinyl albums like the GREASE soundtrack for entertainment, so brunch is a foreign concept to me. This is my “when I was a kid I walked 10 miles to school in the snow” story.

I’ll admit to you all that I am a perfectionist, although lately you’d never know it from looking at my house or car (I do put up a good front at the office where my desk is neat and organized). I lovingly packed Miss C’s lunch in her purple Disney Princess lunch box last week during her first full week of kindergarten. I’ve already sent in a check for Weekly Reader and signed up to volunteer for the fall book fair and helped her teacher with a workbook project. Sometimes I am one of those organized mommies. However, I also wear mismatched shoes in public and kill plants and injure myself shopping at WalMart and assume there is no such thing as school brunch.

My dad surprised us with a six-month membership gift certificate to our new YMCA this weekend. We were going to rejoin this fall, but he knows how much Miss C enjoys the kiddie pool as he’s taken her a couple of times and with it being 100 plus degrees hotter than hell on overdrive here nearly every day he wanted us to go ahead and enjoy a family membership. My dad has taken to heading down to the Y early every day for a walk and his morning coffee. Being quite the ladies man at 73 he already knows all the young women who work the front desk. Yep, that’s my daddy.

We headed to the indoor pool on Saturday and I was spotting Miss A as she zipped down the killer whale slide 8 million times in a row. I started chatting with another mom with an adorable 2-year-old little girl and then the mom stood up and literally towered above me (not hard to do as I am a little under 5 ft. 2.) She was tall, tan, toned, and wearing an aqua string bikini. I am short, white, constantly reminding myself to suck in my stomach, and I was wearing my blue mom tankini. I actually thought to myself, “God please let her be younger than me, MUCH younger.” I haven’t had a stomach as taut as hers since I was 21.

Suddenly I had an unattractive vision of me in a few years…short and dumpy and white and taking water ballet classes in a one piece suit with extra support and a full-coverage skirt. Fitness karma was paying me a visit. When you’re just two years shy of turning 40 you can’t go two years without hitting the gym regularly and expect the frump fairy to not hover around your thighs and taunt you with your kids’ lunch size bags of chips.

I decided then and there to kick the frump fairy’s booty before I turn 40.

But first I had to go home and eat just one small bag of Doritos because the PMS Fairy is also in town and when she and Frump Fairy party they give me unbelievable salt cravings.

I read about a blogger in need on White Trash Mom and wanted to spread the word. Anne writes a food column for Family.com and her personal blog is Cooking With Anne. She is a mom to seven kids (!) and her husband was critically injured in a work-related accident (he is an ironworker and fell of the roof of a building.) Thankfully he was just released from ICU. Please visit the lovely White Trash Mom ladies for information on how to help.

So far the standard school attire thing has gone well for us, although convincing 5 and 6-year-olds to keep their shirts tucked in all day is like herding cats. Luckily Miss C has a penchant for jumpers. The Childrens Wear Outlet jumpers have been great (I do not recommend their polo shirts.) JC Penney’s school uniform line is on sale and they are offering free shipping with purchases of $99 or more. I bought two of their Izod brand polos and the quality is great. WalMart brand polos aren’t too shabby, either. Today we hit half-price day at a consignment sale and I bought Miss C a Children’s Place khaki jumper in perfect condition for $2.50. Woot!

I loved shopping for school supplies for Miss C, but why should kids have all the fun? See Jane Work has swank office supplies that will put your plain manila folders to shame. (Hat Tip: Design Mom)

These demotivator posters are hilarious! (Hat tip: PhatMommy.)

Remember my high tech Thermaclear acne zapper? They are offering my readers a special discount! Use the code BLONDEMOM for 25% off your order at Thermaclear’s website, good through September 3.

Miss A, world-renowned fashion expert, makes the bold statement, “Who needs clothes when you have fabulous accessories?”

(Check out the posture!)

At just a few weeks shy of turning 2 1/2 Miss A has discovered the full joy of accessorizing. She refuses to leave the house with nothing less than a bracelet, a necklace, some cool shades, and maybe a purse to pull her entire outfit together.

It started months ago when she insisted on wearing 300 pony tail holders on her wrists at a time as bracelets. One day this week we headed to daycare with her sporting purple sunglasses, Miss C’s Vacation Bible School medal on a red, white, and blue ribbon, pigtails, and a pink headband. She’s also learned to become an accessories day trader with her friends as she came home with the hubby that evening wearing a completely different pair of sunglasses.

She also enjoys people watching from our front window wearing nothing but a Pull Up. Oh to be that young and carefree. When else can you people watch in a diaper and not get arrested?

Dear Wreckless Driver (Idiot Bitch) :

I don’t know what kind of coffee grounds you snort, but was it really necessary to not only run the stop sign at the end of your cul de sac, but to step on the gas when you saw my SUV with me driving and Miss A as a passenger approaching your intersection on a heavily trafficked road? A road busy with parents taking their children to daycare and school, not to mention morning commuters.

I was incredulous when I saw that you had a child in your truck. I always like to give people the benefit of the doubt. For a split second I thought maybe you were really running late, still no excuse to barrel through a stop sign, or maybe you were rushing a child to the hospital (highly doubtful). You put at least four lives in danger so I felt completely justified in honking my horn at you. And thanks a lot for flipping me off out your driver’s side window as I was pulling into Miss A’s daycare parking lot. You’re a class act lady. Way to teach your kid how to run stop signs and how to audition for white trash mom of the year.

Oh and your little cul de sac subdivision that maybe has twelve homes? It is literally just steps from my husband’s business and parking lot. So I know I will be seeing you around. The hubby has already asked me what type of truck you were driving.

Blonde Mom

Can’t get enough of me and my exciting rock star mommy needs a pedicure existence? I am guest blogging for one of my wonderful readers, Richie Anne, while she is on maternity leave. Richie Anne just had a beautiful baby boy named Jonas and is one of the Haute Mamas working at the Colorado Grand Junction. I was a journalism major so I have a soft spot for reporter mamas!

Today I wrote about the wide array of parent types I’ve encountered during kindergarten rush, from Is She or Isn’t She a Porn Star Mama to Rah Rah Rah PTO Parent to Somebody Needs a Time Out Parent .

What type of parent do you relate to? I’m finding that kindergarten is bringing out my mad project management skills.

p.s. I also have a new article up at Divine Caroline, a great new women’s website. I was honored to be asked to provide feedback on the site during the developmental stages as part of their advisory team along with some incredible women (such as Lindsay of Suburban Turmoil fame). Go read my confessional about being rendered temporarily insane during date night with the hubby after drinking just one martini and having an Uber Cute Pregnant Lady sighting.

Quote of the day:

“Mommy, when are you going to leave?” (Miss C addressing me dismissingly during kindergarten drop off while I watched her play with a new friend.)

My fears of Miss C clinging to me, fearful and sad, thankfully did not come to fruition yesterday morning. She did have a few moments of shyness when we first walked into her classroom and she clung to the hubby’s leg, but she warmed up as soon as we walked around her classroom and scoped out the fabulous array of books, computers, baskets filled with fresh crayons and pencils, her new purple supply box in her very own cubby, and her locker. It also didn’t hurt that we lucked up and walked in with our neighbors and their daughter, a good friend of Miss C’s and a knowledgeable first grader, as well as a friend from daycare and her mom.

So far Miss C is adjusting to kindergarten without a blip. I didn’t need waterproof mascara or Kleenex for our “boo hoo” parents breakfast. Granted she was exhausted and only went a half day yesterday, but hey it’s tough work mingling on the playground, listening to stories, and eating animal crackers.

Look out world, here she comes!

I present to you girl power at its finest.