So I think I’m killing my lucky bamboo plant I have here at the office. It’s in a fun little whimsical jade green pot encircled with frogs. My stepmom bought it for me at a flea market while we were in Florida last month. Aren’t frogs also supposed to be lucky, or am I delirious from hunger? (I am running on coffee and a few bites of Miss A’s abandoned cereal bar.)

I moved it from the window to my desk when someone pointed out that, although it was basking in the sunshine streaming through my window, it was directly underneath the air conditioning vent.

Anyone have any advice?

A black cat also ran in front of my car yesterday so I don’t want to take any chances.

I’ve been clearing out the baby equipment since the first of the year as we’ve officially hung up the “No Storks Allowed On Property” shingle. Our next baby will be a new car for me in the next few years or maybe a new gas cooktop for the hubby.

I’ve donated several bags of stuff to Goodwill but I decided to sell a few larger items. Craigslist has a good reputation among my friends and it seemed to be a lot easier than eBay, not to mention free, so I listed a few things and sold our crib and changing table with relative ease. I had a few smaller items for sale, but didn’t have any takers and promptly forgot about the ad.

Then last week someone e-mailed me about our Fisher Price Incrediblock.

I got rid of the sticky cereal bar residue with some Clorox wipes, loaded it in my SUV, and met the woman in the parking lot at my office yesterday morning.

Clearly this was a very important deal going down in the back of my Pathfinder.

It was obvious, though, within about ten seconds that she would go home empty handed.

First of all when I got out to the car I realized that one of the blocks was still at home on the floor where Miss A had flung it. She has barely played with the toy since the first of the year, but of course since I had moved it to another room she suddenly rediscovered it and it had newfound appeal.

Second, the freaking thing would not work properly.

I put the “dog” block on top and it said “CAR!” The top whirled around and cheerful carnival type music played.

“Well, that’s odd!” I said, trying to keep my cool.

I put the “car” block on top and it said “BOAT!” More whirling and more cheerful music.

CRAP.

No the toy doesn’t say that. That’s what I was thinking.

I explained to the woman that the toy was still operating on the original batteries and I had noticed it was occasionally acting up. No big deal, especially if you don’t care if your child learns the difference between a mammal and a vehicle.

Never fear, because prepared potential buyer mother had brought brand new batteries to test out the toy as well as her own screwdriver.

Obviously she was much more on the ball than me–a mother who can’t even test a toy properly before hauling it to work and trying to sell it from the back of her car in a parking lot like a shady used toy dealer.

She installed the new batteries.

The toy still did not work.

Any way, it’s back in the den and so far it doesn’t appear to have impaired Miss A’s ability to know the difference between a boat and a cat.

Because some conversations with a 5-year-old are just too comical to not share.

Me: “Here’s your juice darlin’.”

Miss C: “Thank you my queen.”

Me: “Oh, queen…I like that!”

Miss C: “Mommy, you know what? Mommies are queens, daddies are princes and kids are…kids are children!”

Later that evening Miss C disappears and my mommy senses are tingling, telling me she is probably in the bathroom on the toilet and in need of assistance. I am right.

Me: “Miss C are you OK?”

Miss C: “Yeah mommy. It’s just very hard. Ugh.”

She is straining so hard she acts like she’s giving birth on the potty.

Me: “Do you need help? Do you have diarrhea?”

Miss C: “No, no, it’s just taking a long time.”

(Note to self: too much cheese!)

Me: “OK, I’ll be right out here if you need help.”

Miss C: (getting up from the toilet): “Mommy I’m finished. I made magic!

Me: “Magic?!”

Miss C: “Yea, it’s magic when it takes a long time like that.”

Me: “Your poop is magic?”

Miss C: “Yep!”

And in other poop-related news, Miss A pooped in the potty last week at home after an arduous process that involved repeated trips to the bathroom.

I repeat. She pooped in the potty.

Dear Lord my life has come down to this…color commentary on HUMAN FECES.

Hey, at least I’m not posting photographic evidence.

Tivo, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love that you provide Miss A with her daily Dora fix and I don’t have to nag you about it and I love that the hubby has a new post-dinner tradition of watching Price is Right reruns with the girls because there is nothing quite as comical as seeing a 5 and 2-year-old jumping up and down when someone wins a new Mustang or a stove or perhaps a trip to Spain. It’s also hilarious to hear your 5-year-old chanting “BOB BARKER, BOB BARKER, BOB BARKER!” Any way this is my rambling way to ask if you knew you can now rent movies through Amazon straight to your Tivo? It’s called Amazon Unbox. We haven’t tried it, but the prices ($3.99 for new releases) are comparable to the big name video stores. Let me know if you’ve tried it.

Harris Teeter is the fancy schmancy grocery in Nashville, but they do have great sales on meat and seafood. Did you know they offer express pick-up shopping? I didn’t until a friend and co-worker told me. For $4.95 you shop online and then schedule a pick-up time (they need 4 hours’ notice.) I just happened to see that they are waiving the $4.95 fee through August 7 so now would be a great time to test it out. I love the Harris Teeter brand pear gorgonzola with roasted pecans and cranberries salad kit. It’s nice as a side to grilled pork tenderloin. Yes, I actually grilled a pork tenderloin this week. Be still my heart!

Secret Agent Josephine is an amazingly talented graphic designer (found her via Southern Mom’s blogroll) AND she is giving away free web graphics! E-mail her five facts about yourself and you’ll be in a monthly drawing for free web graphic goodness. Click on the Free Web Graphics button on her blog to contact her.

Speaking of blogging moms, I met two lovely Nashville bloggin’ moms this week for lunch at Mere Bulles in Brentwood: Linda and Malia. I am definitely ordering the she-crab bisque next time.

Have a great weekend. I’m hoping we can hit the pool today. My Florida tan is fading, dammit!

Miss C got rock star treatment at the dentist this week.

Our new dentist office is like a day spa. There are current magazines, not five-year old dog-eared copies of Ladies Home Journal! A wall-mounted water fountain! Free mini bottles of water! These are too tempting to my greedy inner old crotchety lady, so I end up stashing at least one in my purse.

They have a special waiting area designed just for kids complete with a swank flat panel TV, a Game Boy, books, cool artwork, and funky zebra fabric ottomans. There are also TVs mounted above the examining chairs, which I especially love. I never opt for CNN or public television because I find that a good mindless entertainment show or Oprah is the best choice while I’m having tartar scraped from my molars.

The dental hygenist Miss C usually sees (this week was just her third cleaning ever) has moved so she saw a new hygenist. Miss J has a 7-year-old daughter and I could tell instantly that she knew how to layeth on the charm for a 5-year-old girl who might be a bit apprehensive. It didn’t even repulse me when she showed Miss C “Mr. Tickle” and “Mr. Thirsty” (the tooth polish tool and the saliva sucking tool) and encouraged her to brush the “sugar bugs” off her teeth both morning and night. I will raise my hand as the slacker mommy who hasn’t been very good about pushing the morning dental hygiene. Ahem. Thankfully she inherits her great set of teeth from the hubby and not from me.

Not only did Miss C get raspberry flavored polish applied by “Mr. Tickle,” but she got a new purple toothbrush and a bonus two prizes from the toy chest for enduring her first dental x-rays like a pro. I kept bracing myself for her to get frightened by the huge x-ray “arm” that circled around her while she stood, looking so little with the heavy protective vest on her, standing on a step stool. But she waited patiently and with a brave look on her face. And can I just say that I was not ready to see her 6-year molars on the x-ray film? I can barely handle the thought of her marching off to kindergarten next month, much less seeing her future adult chompers on film. I think she’s braver than me. Don’t tell her that, though, OK?

Miss C walked out with a blue helium balloon, a gift certificate for a free Chick-Fil-A kids’ meal, and melon-flavored fluoride treatment on her pearly whites.

Suddenly my years of dental and orthodontic work (retainers anyone?) seem like Medieval torture. Just like tales of listening to Prince and Duran Duran albums on my bedroom stereo will seem like ancient history to the girls, I’m sure they’ll laugh when I confess that I never got to watch the Disney Channel when I went to the dentist as a kid. And does anyone remember those chewy red tablets that would show where you had plaque build-up? Are those even legal now?

I have a dental cleaning scheduled next week. I wonder if I can request raspberry tooth polish? At the very least I’d like a balloon. I know I’ll walk out with a mini bottle of water stashed in my purse.

Monday is not my best day of the week. I am usually frazzled, wrinkled, and stressed.

But today?

The girls were fed and dressed by 7:30.

We left for daycare and work by 8.

In a clean car.

I am wearing “new” white pants from Banana Republic (hand-me-downs from my mom, so technically they are new to me)…and they are still white.

Miss C was excited beyond belief because she and one of her best friends at daycare are wearing the same skirt today.

I thought I’d made a mistake in a document I’d sent to a client for work, but it turns out I didn’t.

Two out of three beds in our house are made.

I am caught up on laundry.

I listed a few things on eBay last night and people are already stalking them.

I have a vague idea of what I am making for dinner.

I heard some vintage Dwight on the radio on the way home (now you know I have an inner honky tonk girl just dyin’ to get out.)

And yes it’s a fine day, despite the fact that when I got home from taking the hubby a turkey sandwich and started to make one for myself I couldn’t find the package of sliced deli turkey anywhere. I called the hubby to make sure I hadn’t put the package of meat in with his lunch and then he asked, “Have you checked the yard?”

“Sh*t!”

Click.

I went outside and sure enough there was the tell tale mangled plastic package on the ground. Of course I’m the idiot who left it out on the counter and didn’t shut the dogs out.

Oh no, Jack’s not feeling guilty.

And yes, he’s notorious for doing this sort of thing.

This green and black bridal shower color scheme reminds me of a co-worker’s wedding colors. Her attendants wore black dresses with bright apple green sashes and her invites were in the same fun color scheme. The entire Hostess Blog is full of great entertaining ideas. Maybe if I read it regularly some of the entertaining juju will rub off on me?

MommyKnows is having awesome giveaways from her store, Baby Marketplace, with Jammin’ in July daily giveaways. I won this super girl UV suit for Miss A in June and she was one stylin’ 2-year-old on the beach.

I’m always interested in tips to help me get organized or save time or money, so I bookmarked DayTipper.com when I read about it on Cool Mom Picks. They’ll pay you $3 if they publish your tip, so show ‘em your tips!

The Children’s Place is having their Monster Sale with a ton of cute summer clothes on clearance. I just bought the girls’ two crinkle skirts for a little over $9. Miss C’s alone retailed pre-sale for $29.50. Is it just me or would you pay almost $30 for a play skirt for a 5-year-old? I’ll spend money on special holiday outfits but for play or school clothes I am the frugal queen.

Any Sex in the City fans out there? It’s true…Sex in the City is coming to the big screen as are the fab four ladies of New York. Now what about the men? I hope Aiden and Mr. Big return. The whole Carrie in Paris thing didn’t seem right. Now the Carrie in Paris plot was a fit like Paris Hilton in L.A., so that I could understand. I just couldn’t see her with Mikhail Baryshnikov’s character, Aleksandr. I’m not sure how they’re going to pull off the movie, but it’s one chick flick I’ll definitely have to see.

This video spoof of magician David Blaine freaking out two gay guys is hilarious. (Fair Warning: you might not want to crank the volume at work)

Have a great weekend!