The perfect photo for our annual Christmas card is my seasonal Holy Grail. And by “perfect” I lower the bar to mean a photo that’s in focus, perhaps one in which all subjects are looking at the camera and not picking their noses, and smiling (smiling is a bonus).

I recently took the girls to get their holiday pictures made by a professional photographer. The hubby’s office gave us a gift certificate for four portrait sessions when Amelia was born. Being the certified slacker parent that I am I have only taken advantage of this twice in 20 months. The photographer did a great job last year so I decided to once again schedule an outdoor portrait session. Just pinpointing a date when the weather was nice and when the baby didn’t have a runny nose or a scratch, scab, or other dinged up toddler gone wild mark on her face was a challenge. And we won’t talk about the ridiculous amount of energy I put into finding matching outfits for them. I know in a few years that matching red gingham outfits embroidered with their names and Santa’s head will be about as cool as me dropping them off at the mall and shouting “I love you girls! Chicken and rice casserole at 6!” within earshot of their friends.

Last year we hiked down to a creekbed near the photographer’s home because what better photo shoot location for a 7-month-old baby than a creekbed? Seriously, what was I thinking? Amelia was more interested in scraping mossy filth with her fingernails, shoving leaves in her mouth, and flinging herself into the creek then in demurely sitting and smiling. Literally one photo turned out to be Christmas card worthy and Caitlin is hanging on to Amelia to keep her from wiggling away. This year I decided to skip the creekbed nightmare and the photographer had a big pile of leaves on her back patio for the girls to plop down in. And besides, the photos are closeups and a pile of leaves is a pile of leaves.

Here are a few tricks deployed by myself and the photographer to entice the girls to look at the camera:

Poke your kids with a feather duster on a long pole (aka tickle stick that is first demonstrated on mommy), the kind you’d use to clean a ceiling fan, to get them to laugh or at least smile in bemusement over the neverending weirdness of adults.

Toss leaves joyfully in the air while maniacally screaming “Leaves! Pretty leaves! LOOK AT THE PRETTY LEAVES!”

Shrilly repeat your child’s name in a high-pitched voice that scares every dog within a five-mile radius, while wildly waving your hands above your head.

When all else fails, just plead “Say Cheese” while flashing the biggest, goofiest grin you can muster. And again, the wild waving of hands is recommended. And if “cheese” elicits a really goofy grin, you can try something original like, “show me the money!”

When the whole exhausting photo shoot is over, you’ll look at your watch and swear that at least five hours of your life have ticked away, not just one. Reward yourself with plenty of chocolate and perhaps a margarita or three.

p.s. I recently discovered Picture This, a great photography blog. Tracey has some wonderful ideas for posing your kids and they don’t involve bribing them with Happy Meals or shrieking like an idiot.

I realize that you are about to turn the ripe old age of 21 months in less than two weeks, but you really need to take a nap.

Let me rephrase that. I need you to take a nap. Tossing every single item out of your crib and screaming at the top of your lungs and refusing to nap is a good tactic. But I am older and I control the Tivo.

Love, Mommy

Tales of rainbow striped zombie rats at our house are slowly being replaced by more genteel visions of sugarplums. I brought out my childhood copy of the Night Before Christmas this week, although when I left the hubby and Caitlin in her room last night I heard her pleading for a story about the big snow and something about her falling in water and rainbow rats, so never fear all ye fans of the rats. I’ve also broken out my holiday music collection this week. There’s nothing better for diffusing road rage than singing along with your kids to the original Gene Autry version of Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer.

Readable Feast is a great book theme blog I’ve discovered. Anne-Marie writes Readable Feast in her “spare” time when she’s not tending to her two kids or working on freelance writing projects or blogging at her EIGHT other blogs she maintains. Good Lord woman! This week she has a great post about first Christmas books for babies. She also has a post about her local production of The Nutcracker. I went when I was 11 years old and the ticket stub and newspaper ad are neatly preserved in my childhood scrapbook. I would love to dress up the girls in a few years and take them downtown to see The Nutcracker.

We’ve been decorating the house this week little by little. The hubby has been bringing down a few boxes from the attic every night. I’m not in a huge hurry to put up our Christmas tree, though, because I’m afraid Amelia will try to climb it or will yank down every ornament. Have I started Christmas shopping? I have bought a few things and the big Santa gift, a toy kitchen, has been requested, built, and Santa and his elves have made arrangements with my brother on storing it until the big day, although I’ve warned him that his German Shepherd Buddy cannot play with the kitchen too much or the girls will suspect something.

So do you have any favorite childhood books you look forward to sharing with your kids each year?